有一个问题，为什么在家庭中，夫妻双方一个信仰基督教，而另一个却始终不信或信仰其他宗教，比如佛教、道教，或者生活了很多年后才勉强达成共同的信仰？而涉及到子女时，又很难有一致的信仰，很多情况下是小时候随父母“盲从式”地相信、读经、参加聚会，长大成人后则很难继续保持下去。在中国，信仰上的不一致现象并不罕见，而且信的一方多为女性。背后的原因复杂多样，本文将从以下几个方面进行分析，旨在提出问题，衷心希望弟兄姐妹们可以结合自己的情况与家人共同思考。下面直接指出重点：

夫妻间信仰不一致的几个原因

1. 信仰领悟的匮乏：缺乏沟通的基础

    其一，很多时候，信的一方对圣经方面的知识学习和储备不够充分，与配偶交流信仰内容时磕磕绊绊，缺乏说服力，很容易被不信一方提出的问题难倒，给对方造成了不良印象。即便有些家庭是牧者或同工家庭，信的一方即使能说清楚，也不是一下子就达到这个程度，在配偶眼里仍然是个“菜鸟”。这种情况下，不信的一方很容易对信仰产生误解或偏见，认为信仰仅仅是宗教仪式或教条的堆砌。

    其二，也是最重要的，信的一方可能终其一生都活在宗教的清规戒律中，而不是活在基督信仰的带领中，包括很多教会同工也是如此。在此只用一句经文概括，不展开了，有兴趣的弟兄姐妹可以参考我其他的博客。“弟兄们，你们蒙召是要得自由，只是不可将你们的自由当作放纵情欲的机会，总要用爱心互相服事。因为全律法都包在‘爱人如己’这一句话之内了。”（加拉太书 5:13-14 和合本）要知道，没有信仰的自由和快乐，根本不可能有吸引力。也就是说，在不信的一方眼里，信的一方只是一位持有不同宗教观点的人而已，感受不到信仰的力量和影响力。

2. 信仰生活的实践：在家传道还是在家操练“合一”？

    进一步说，信仰是人生追求的内在动力。信的一方若在生活目标、方式和过程中没有体现出基督的爱、谦卑、豁达等品质，就无法在配偶眼里成为榜样，在孩子眼里更是如此。而且家人之间彼此都生活在对方的放大镜下，那些符合基督样式的举止大多会被这种毫无隐私的随意言行掩盖，这也就是家人间很难“表现出”基督耶稣要求的样式的一个原因。

    很多家庭中，不信的一方通过这样的观察就否定信仰的现象还是比较普遍的。但我认为这样的观察是很片面的。要知道，我们的家是讲爱和包容的避风港，每个人在外面受到的影响或伤害、工作辛劳都该在家中得到疗愈和安慰。家不是一个“正经八百”传道的地方，家是夫、妻甚至孩子间凭爱和包容彼此鼓励的地方，而不是任何一个人展现秉性、脾气、个人英雄主义的场所。

    那么家是什么？严格来讲，家就是夫妻间“身心灵”合一的操练场所，其中排在首位的便是“灵”的归属，其次是思想观念即“心”。家中的每一个人在外面的言谈举止代表的不是你个人，而是一个家。假如一个人结婚后仍然以自我为中心，所作所为必然像一个“孤胆英雄”或“浪子”，看似睿智坚强，实则孤立无援。换句话说，一个人在外面做事如果没有合一观念的家人做后盾，他/她所谓的“胆识”便是虚张声势，其“虚荣心”很容易被别有用心的人攻陷，其“软弱”很容易被贪欲之人利用。苍蝇所叮的那个蛋就是认为“身心灵”可以分开的家庭。

    “身心灵”分裂的家首先是各自的“心”即思想观念产生的分歧没有合理处理，日积月累便给了“身体”展现个性思想提供了机会，罪便堂而皇之地在家中蔓延开来，撒但即拥有了这个家。

3. 不愿有信仰的本质是因为自己的“难言之隐”：罪！什么罪？哎呦别提了！

    接着聊聊更深层次的原因。夫妻间没有了“身心灵”合一的心志，不信的配偶或即便信其他宗教但不愿意在对方面前袒露“罪”的悔改过程、隐瞒有分歧的想法拒绝沟通等等，都是抵挡基督信仰的“难言之隐”，即圣经所说的罪的问题。

    这方面根据每个人的经历差异很大，但究其根本，就是不敢或羞于站在基督面前承认自己的罪，比如刚愎自用、贪婪美色、贪恋公共财产、喜欢喝酒作乐、喜欢和异性知己暧昧关系等等，甚至是家庭内生活的琐碎小事处理方式不和谐被对方“讥讽”心生厌恶或嫌弃、嫉妒对方家庭对待子女不公平，还有因生活中的创伤一直无法释怀的情绪，……太多无法说出来的思想和观念都会在一句：“我只信我自己”或“我信佛”、“我在修道”中搪塞过去，无形当中将双方置于“对立”的境地。难道配偶真的不理解信的一方苦口婆心的真诚表达吗？当然不是，阻碍他们/她们拥抱基督的仅仅是担心自己的“罪”暴露出来而已，不能继续享受“罪中快乐”或摆脱情绪的沼泽，还有因双方的冷战而不愿意认可对方信仰的也不在少数。

    要知道，在基督教（包括天主教）和伊斯兰教的传统教义中，都有关于原罪以及人性中固有之恶与后天思想欲念之罪的详细描述。这些宗教强调人类由于内在的罪性，需要通过信仰、忏悔和依靠神的恩典来获得救赎和净化。而相较而言，佛教和道教严格来说不属于有神论的宗教，它们更强调个体通过自我修炼、除去恶念，最终达到成圣或成道的境界。

4. 缺乏真正的爱与灵里的吸引：你究竟爱对方哪方面？是身体、思想和灵魂三者的一部分还是全部？

    在家庭中，一方信仰基督，另一方不信、半信半疑或兼信其他宗教的家庭，我认为夫妻双方之间的沟通至少是不够充分、坦诚的，缺少对价值观、人生观的深层次沟通或缺少对双方分歧处理的技巧，所以也就无法触及灵魂的需求。

    很多时候，不信的一方对信的另一半缺乏完整的爱，这么说并不是在‘论断’。换句话说，夫妻双方仅在维持日常生活而已，不愿意关心对方喜怒哀乐情绪的原因，更谈不上让双方快乐前行的生活追求了。的确，当今社会夫妻双方，加上子女，一个家单是解决“眼前”的事就已经很费心了，哪有心情去谈“灵魂”里的需求？日复一日的重复，便冲淡了深入交流的欲望，也在不知不觉中拉低了双方交流的层级。

    很多人不愿意承认这一点，认为夫妻间搭伙过日子不就是图一个家庭和睦相处吗？错了，想想吧，当你们为爱结合组成家庭时，你愿意付出一切，而如今其中一方被基督拣选成为基督徒时，她/他岂不是为了让这个家更加和谐吗？如果你们的结合是灵里的吸引而不是单纯“身体”的吸引和思想交互的包容和妥协，你怎么忍心和你所爱的人仅仅停留在物质需求和“身体”需求的层面呢？

    很多夫妻从未尝试“身心灵”合一状态下的夫妻相处之道，也从未想象过那种灵里合一的生活有多么的轻松、快乐。

    没有基督的灵做你们二人的带领者，你们灵魂深处的思想如何交流呢？好比双方一个人在火星，另一个人在金星，虽同心（围绕同一个太阳），但不同轨啊。两人都认为自己很优秀，但你们两个人的其中一个无论怎么努力也没法“齐心协力”。最明显的就是孩子的教育问题，孩子面对两个高高在上、各自理由充分的家长，他们凭着什么样的经验去做取舍判断呢？所以，他们有独立思考能力后的第一件事就是按自己的理解去反抗。

5. 双方各自家族之“罪”的延续：持守这一切便是在做家族之罪的帮凶

    夫妻双方信仰不一致的原因还有来自家族的“罪”，大多是来自双方父母及其影响，双方的秉性、习惯很多都带着各自父母或家族的习俗，肯定带着“罪”的因子，这样的思想会在不知不觉中灌输给自己的儿女，完美实现了“罪”的基因转移工程。

    想想现在这一刻夫妻双方彼此的“身心灵”状态及行事为人的风格，是不是彼此上一代的翻版？而不信的一方是不是能意识到这个问题是被基督拣选的关键一步，可以观察一下：虽然信的一方还不“完美”，但相较于父母一代是不是已经有了向好的转变？试想一下，如果夫妻二人都在基督的带领下生活，整个家庭“合一”的气氛是不是更能成为儿女的榜样？所以说，此时此刻的你们就是将来某一天你们的儿女需要反思的样本。

    古人说：“三岁看大，七岁看老。”假如你们错过了这个时期的信仰教育，你们的孩子到了18岁高中毕业很可能去外地读大学，这样夫妻俩能给孩子“言传身教”的时间还剩多少年呢？

    孩子们在成长过程中，往往通过观察父母的行为来理解和认同信仰，他们作为上帝的继承人（产业）完全可以对是否跟随父母的信仰作出取舍。

    比如说我父母年轻时的脾气比较急（主要是我母亲），也没有接受福音，兄弟两人中，我继承了母亲的急脾气，而我弟弟则很安静。长大后我又缺乏这方面正确的引导，不以为耻反以为荣，多年下来，不仅学会了着急，还继承了父母的遇事提前焦虑、事后懊恼等一系列“毛病”，最终我居然也理所当然地“遗传”了母亲的“高血压病”。感恩的是我母亲在临近退休时被主拣选，在她的‘不厌其烦’的说教下，几年后我和弟弟也慢慢接受了福音。

    作为人都会有缺点，但正确的信仰可以给一个人、一个家庭乃至一个国家带来“重新洗牌开局”的机会，这才是一个人和家庭真正的起跑线。一个人的灵里有了基督作为带领者，你不必害怕输在其他人为的“起跑线”了。

    夫妻双方有一方信了基督是何等幸事，“因为不信的丈夫就因着妻子成了圣洁，并且不信的妻子就因着丈夫成了圣洁。不然，你们的儿女就不洁净，但如今他们是圣洁的了。”（哥林多前书 7:14 和合本）话虽这样说，不代表另一方就可以任意延迟“被拣选”的时间，你的不信如同对方沉重的心理负担，更是这个家无法升腾的羁绊，所以弟兄姐妹们，不要将眼光盯在满足物质需求和个性追求的层面了，靠向基督吧。

    如果你们愿意为家庭灵性基因的优化共同追求灵里的合一，你们的家族会在基督的带领下逐渐兴旺起来，家族之“罪”的因子也会慢慢被基督的爱洗净。

6. 对双方交友的标准缺少一致的“原则”

    中国人有句话叫“多一个朋友多一条路”，其前提是站在互惠互利的角度，旨在从“朋友”身上获得利益，岂不知这些多出来的朋友比你们的想象力更丰富？刚才说过，夫妻间缺少了“灵魂体”合一的心志后，难免会在各自的社会交往中遇到各种所谓的“朋友”，对这些“朋友”的筛选是需要两人共同协商的，不要因一己私利或贪图享受而交往对家庭和睦不利的人，双方的坦诚沟通是避免“朋友”损害的基本条件。

寻求家庭合一的解决之道

    面对信仰不一致的情况，家庭成员并非无计可施。无论是一方信仰坚定，另一方怀疑或不信，家庭成员依然可以在爱和理解的基础上，朝着合一的方向努力。以下是一些实际建议，帮助家庭成员更好地接纳和理解彼此的信仰差异，迈向更紧密的关系。本人的阅历也是极其有限的，下面的几点建议旨在呼吁每个家庭思考这些问题，早日成为基督拣选的“合一”家庭。

1. 加深彼此的理解与尊重

    家庭成员之间就不必讲彼此的“面子”了吧？无论信或不信，家庭的基础是爱。如果信仰不同，能不能因彼此的爱而合二为一呢？即便不能在短时期内完全统一信仰，我觉得也应本着爱的初衷，从家庭的共同成长和子女的教育入手，找到合一的道路。信的一方可以多多领悟基督信仰的真谛，避免“纸上谈兵”式的信仰展示，而应多以基督带领后对家庭和生活那种快乐、包容的状态展示信仰带来的积极态度；不信的一方则可以尝试从家庭合一的角度去理解信仰的意义，积极探讨如何在多元化的信仰中找到共同点，最终达成一致。另外，双方可以一起寻求解决家族“罪”的遗留问题，营造出更加和谐、积极的家庭环境。

2. 共建家庭灵修的氛围，追求灵魂体的合一生活方向

    家庭中的信仰合一可以通过共同的灵修和分享彼此体验来实现。夫妻双方可以一起参与家庭聚会、阅读圣经或其他相关的书籍，甚至拿出时间专门讨论人生的价值观及社会上出现的热点实践，共同思考、寻求差异的解决出路，并将其作为双方沟通的日常内容。

    很重要的一点：特别鼓励不信的一方放下思想包袱和心理负担，大胆地讲出自己面对“罪”的认识和难处，包括双方对一些问题看法的分歧、梳理自己的交友范围和质量等。敢于消灭彼此之间的“秘密”是双方灵性合一的重要一步，那些暴露出来的“罪”是早该摈弃的家庭绊脚石，那些无法继续享受的“罪中之乐”是魔鬼的罂粟。有了这一步的努力和双方坦诚的沟通，不仅能促进彼此的理解和尊重，更能增进家庭的凝聚力。

    婚姻不仅是一种生活方式的结合，也是双方家族的结合。在基督为王的家庭里，婚姻首先是每个人、家族之罪的“洗涤剂”，更是一个双方灵魂的联合体。

3. 面对内心的真实：放下自我，追求更高的境界

    无论你现在信或不信，都可以先放下自己的成见，试着看看耶稣的教导是否能带来内心的平安和家庭的和睦。很多人在摆出自己的“秘密”后不仅没有想象中的痛苦，反而会有从未有过的轻松和快乐。你赢得的不仅有另一半的信任和孩子们的模范榜样，还有家庭“合一”后的快乐以及面对生活和工作的勇气和力量。

    家族之“罪”的遗传慢慢在你们之间合一的进程中转化为家庭快乐的动力，你们共同信仰的传递为孩子面对人生中各种未知力量找到了依靠。你们的家庭将成为双方家族摆脱“罪”的束缚，勇敢面对生活的先锋，你们的平和、快乐也将会成为家族快乐向前的风向标。

结语

    信仰的差异可以成为家庭成长的绊脚石，也可以成为灵命共成长的契机。我们鼓励每一个在信仰上不一致的家庭、还有兄弟姐妹长大成人并且组建的新家庭，放下自我的骄傲与成见，敞开彼此的心门，共同走向一个更美好的未来。
    在上一代眼里你们是儿女，在下一代眼里你们是他们的原生家庭，在双方兄弟姐妹的眼里你们是家族的一个分支，无论是哪一个阶段，只有在基督里，每个家庭才能真正实现和谐和幸福的目标，走向灵性和爱的丰盛之路。

    我们都知道，家庭信仰涉及的话题非常多，涉及双方文化和社会背景、宗教差异、子女教育、信仰与心理健康、信仰多样性的尊重等，在以后有条件时再行叙述。

    让我们一起为此祷告！

（如有建议敬请留言讨论，邮箱：[email protected]）

Reflections on the Reasons Behind Inconsistent Faith Between Spouses

There is a question: Why is it that in some families one spouse is a committed Christian while the other either never believes or follows another religion—such as Buddhism or Taoism—or only grudgingly comes to share a common faith after many years of living together? And when it comes to children, a unified faith is even harder to achieve. In many cases, children simply follow their parents blindly in childhood—attending Bible readings, worship services, and so forth—but as they grow up it becomes difficult for them to continue in the same way. In China, such inconsistencies in religious belief are not uncommon, and often the believing party is the woman. The underlying causes are complex and varied. This article will analyze the issue from several aspects, with the aim of raising questions. It is offered in the sincere hope that brothers and sisters will reflect on their own situations together with their families. The key points are listed below:

Reasons for Inconsistent Faith Between Spouses

1. Lack of Deep Spiritual Insight: An Absence of a Communication Foundation

– First, many times the believing spouse has not studied or accumulated enough biblical knowledge. When trying to discuss matters of faith with their partner, they stumble through their words and lack the persuasive power needed to answer questions. This often leaves the non-believing spouse with a poor impression. Even in families where one partner is a pastor or a church coworker, even if that spouse can explain the truth clearly, it is rarely an overnight achievement; in the eyes of the other, they still appear as a “novice.” Under these circumstances, the unbelieving partner is easily led to misunderstand the nature of faith or to form prejudices—viewing faith simply as a collection of religious ceremonies or dogmatic rituals rather than a transformative relationship with Christ.

– Secondly—and perhaps most importantly—the believing spouse may live their entire life under strict religious rules and regulations rather than under the liberating guidance of a vibrant Christian faith. This situation is true not only for many lay believers but also for some church coworkers. In short, to summarize in one scripture: “For you were called to freedom, brothers and sisters; only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for self-indulgence, but through love serve one another. For the entire law is fulfilled in the word, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Galatians 5:13–14, CUV) Without the freedom and joy that come from a true personal faith, the power and influence of that faith cannot be appreciated. In the eyes of the unbelieving partner, the believer is merely someone holding different religious views, and they cannot sense the transformative power of a living faith.

• The Practice of Faith in Daily Life: Preaching at Home or Practicing “Unity” in the Family?

Faith is the inner driving force of life. If the believing spouse does not manifest Christ’s love, humility, and open-heartedness in their everyday goals, methods, and lifestyle, they will not stand as a role model in the eyes of their partner—or even less so for their children. Moreover, within the family the behavior of every member is observed under a proverbial magnifying glass; actions that would otherwise exemplify the image of Christ are often obscured by the lack of privacy or by casual, unconstrained behavior. This is one reason why it is so difficult for family members to truly “display” the character of Christ in their daily lives.

In many families, the non-believing partner easily dismisses or undermines the manifestations of faith they observe. However, such observations tend to be very one-sided. One must remember that the family is meant to be a sanctuary of love and tolerance—a place where the hurts, labors, and hardships one endures outside can be healed and comforted. The home is not necessarily a formal pulpit for preaching; rather, it is a place where husband, wife, and even children can encourage one another with love and acceptance, not a venue for any one person to showcase their personality, temperament, or personal heroism.

Strictly speaking, the family is meant to be a training ground for “body, mind, and spirit” unity. Foremost is the orientation of one’s spirit; next comes one’s thoughts and attitudes. In the family, every member’s words and actions reflect not just the individual but the entire family. If, after marriage, a person remains selfishly centered on themselves, acting as a “lone hero” or a “prodigal,” they may seem wise and strong on the surface but will ultimately become isolated and unsupported. In other words, if one pursues endeavors without the backing of a family committed to unity, their so-called “courage” is merely bluster—and their vanity and weakness are easily exploited by those with ulterior motives. In the end, a family in which the “body, mind, and spirit” are separated becomes the breeding ground for sin. When differences of thought—the “heart” of each person—are not addressed in a reasonable way, these divisions gradually provide opportunities for individuals to assert their personal opinions. Sin can then spread boldly through the home, and Satan, in effect, takes possession of that family.

• The Reluctance to Embrace Faith Stems from One’s “Inexpressible Shame”: Sin! What Sin? Oh, Better Not Mention It!

Next, let us address a deeper cause. When there is no genuine aspiration for “body, mind, and spirit” unity between spouses, the non-believing partner—and even if that partner follows another religion but is unwilling to reveal their “sin” and the process of repentance or to communicate openly about differences—this reluctance is a form of an unspoken secret, a “shameful sin” as described in Scripture.

Although the specifics vary greatly with each person’s experience, at its core it is the inability or unwillingness to stand before Christ and confess one’s sins. This might include issues such as pride, greed for beauty, coveting public assets, indulgence in alcohol and revelry, or maintaining ambiguous relationships with members of the opposite sex. It could also be the petty disputes over household minutiae that eventually lead one to feel scorn or jealousy—for instance, perceiving injustice in the way the other treats the children—or lingering emotional wounds that one cannot let go. These unspeakable thoughts and attitudes are often conveniently excused by statements such as “I only trust myself,” “I believe in Buddha,” or “I am practicing Tao,” effectively placing both partners in opposition. Do the non-believing spouses truly not understand the sincere, earnest expressions of faith of their believing partners? Not at all—the obstruction is mainly the fear of having one’s own sins exposed, the unwillingness to relinquish the temporary “pleasure in sin” or the emotional quagmire it brings, and frequently even a cold war that prevents mutual acceptance of the other’s faith.

It is important to note that traditional doctrines in Christianity (both Protestant and Catholic) as well as Islam provide detailed explanations of original sin and the inherent evil in human nature combined with later sinful desires. These religions emphasize that because of our innate sinful condition, we need faith, repentance, and reliance on God’s grace for redemption and purification. In contrast, Buddhism and Taoism, strictly speaking, are not theistic in the same way—they focus more on individual self-cultivation and the removal of evil thoughts in order to eventually attain sanctity or enlightenment.

• A Lack of Genuine Love and Spiritual Attraction: What Exactly Do You Love About Your Partner?

In families where one partner is a Christian and the other is either non-believing, partially believing, or adheres to another religion, I believe that communication between the spouses is often neither sufficient nor candid. There is a lack of deep dialogue regarding each other’s values and life philosophies, and a shortage of skills in resolving differences. As a result, the very needs of the soul remain unaddressed.

Many times, the non-believing partner seems not to love the believing spouse wholeheartedly. This is not meant as a judgment, but rather an observation. In other words, when spouses are merely coexisting for the sake of daily life without caring about each other’s emotional highs and lows, it is difficult to foster a shared pursuit of joyful living. Indeed, today’s couples—as well as families with children—are often so preoccupied with coping with day-to-day matters that they have little energy left to discuss the deeper needs of the soul. Over days and months, this can sap the desire for deep, meaningful exchange, and gradually lower the level at which the partners communicate.

Many are unwilling to admit this, thinking that merely “living together in harmony” is sufficient. But consider this: When you first fell in love and formed a family, you were willing to give everything out of love. And now, if one partner has been chosen by Christ, shouldn’t that be a sign intended to bring even more harmony to the family? If your union were based on spiritual attraction rather than just physical appeal or a compromise of ideas, how could you bear to limit your relationship to merely material or bodily needs?

Many couples have never even attempted to experience the kind of “body–mind–spirit” unity in their marital relationship, nor have they imagined how effortless and joyful a life of spiritual unity can be.

Without the guidance of the Holy Spirit leading both of you, how can your innermost thoughts and desires truly be shared? It is like one partner living on Mars and the other on Venus—they orbit the same sun yet remain on different paths. Each may believe they are outstanding, but no matter how hard one tries, true “united effort” is unattainable. The most obvious example is the upbringing of children. When children face two parents—each set on high ground with seemingly ample reasons for their stance—what basis do they have in making their own choices? As a result, once their independent thinking kicks in, the first thing they do is rebel in the way they understand.

• The Inheritance of “Sin” from Both Families: Upholding Everything Is to Complicit in the Family’s Sin

Another reason for the divergence in faith between spouses stems from the “sin” that is passed down from each family—mostly from the influence of both sets of parents. Many of the personal traits and habits of spouses are imbued with the customs and practices of their families, carrying with them inherited “seeds of sin.” These attitudes are unconsciously instilled in their children—effectively a gene-transfer project of sin.

Consider the state of each partner’s “body, mind, and spirit” and behavioral style: Isn’t it simply a replica of the previous generation? Can the non-believing spouse even recognize that this issue is a critical step for the believing partner’s choice by Christ? Observe this: although the believing partner may not be “perfect,” compared to their parents’ generation there has often been a positive transformation. Imagine if both spouses were living under Christ’s leadership. Wouldn’t the unified atmosphere of the family serve as a better example for their children? In this light, you and your spouse now become the model for your children’s future reflections on faith.

As the old saying goes, “A child is known by the age of three; by seven, you can tell what kind of person they will be.” If you miss out on the period of early faith education, by the time your children turn 18 or graduate from high school they may go off to college far from home. How many years will you have left to lead them by example? In the process of growing up, children often come to understand and identify with faith by observing their parents. As God’s heirs, they are perfectly capable of making their own choices about whether to follow the faith of their parents.

For example, when my own parents were young, my mother had a rather irritable temper and had not received the gospel. Of the two brothers, I inherited my mother’s short temper while my younger brother remained quiet. Growing up without proper guidance in that regard, I not only learned to be impatient but also adopted a host of negative traits such as preemptive anxiety and post-event regret—and eventually, I literally “inherited” my mother’s high blood pressure. I am grateful that near her retirement, my mother was chosen by the Lord; after her persistent exhortations, my brother and I gradually accepted the gospel ourselves.

Every person has flaws, but true faith can offer a new beginning for an individual, a family, and even a nation—it is the real starting line. When a person’s spirit is led by Christ, there is no need to fear losing the “starting line” that others have set up artificially.

How fortunate it is when one spouse comes to faith in Christ! As it is written, “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.” (1 Corinthians 7:14, CUV) This does not mean, however, that the other partner may indefinitely delay being “chosen.” Your unbelief becomes a heavy burden on the other, a shackle that prevents your family from rising. Therefore, brothers and sisters, do not limit your attention solely to material needs and personal desires. Lean on Christ instead.

If you are willing to jointly pursue spiritual unity for the sake of optimizing your family’s spiritual DNA, your family will gradually prosper under the guidance of Christ—and the inherited element of sin in your family will be slowly cleansed by His love.

• Lack of a Unified “Principle” in the Standards for Both Sides’ Friendships

There is a Chinese saying: “The more friends you have, the more paths there are.” The underlying assumption is one of mutual benefit—that one gains from one’s friends. But aren’t these additional friends often far more diverse than you might imagine? As mentioned earlier, when spouses lack unity in their “body, mind, and spirit,” it is inevitable that each will encounter various so-called “friends” in their social interactions. The selection of these “friends” should be a matter of discussion between both partners. Do not allow selfish interests or a desire for pleasure to lead you into relationships that damage the harmony of the family. Honest communication between spouses is the basic safeguard against friendships that may harm the family.

Seeking Solutions for Family Unity

When faced with the situation of having inconsistent faith within the family, there are still ways for family members to act. Whether one partner’s faith is steadfast while the other is doubtful or non-believing, the family can still strive toward unity on the foundation of love and understanding. The following are some practical suggestions to help family members better accept and understand one another’s differences in belief and move toward a closer relationship. My own experience is extremely limited, so the suggestions below are meant to encourage every family to reflect on these issues and, as early as possible, become a “unified” family chosen by Christ.

1. Deepen Mutual Understanding and Respect

Must family members really worry about saving face with one another? Regardless of whether one believes or does not, the foundation of the family is love. Even if the faiths differ, could the love between you unite you? Even if it is impossible to completely harmonize your faiths in the short term, the family should begin with the original intention of love—by focusing on the common growth of the family and the education of the children, thereby finding a path to unity. The believing partner can strive to grasp the true essence of the Christian faith rather than merely displaying a “paper faith” through academic discussion. They should showcase the joy and tolerance that comes with being guided by Christ in their family and daily life. Meanwhile, the non-believing partner might try to understand the meaning of faith from the perspective of family unity, actively exploring ways to find common ground amid diverse beliefs until a consensus is reached. Additionally, both can work together to address any lingering “sins” or problems inherited from past family conflicts, thereby creating a more harmonious, positive family environment.

• Build a Shared Atmosphere for Spiritual Life and Pursue a Unified “Body, Mind, and Spirit”

The unity of faith within a family can be realized through shared spiritual practices and experiences. Spouses can participate together in family meetings, read the Bible or other related books, and even set aside time to discuss values, life goals, and pressing societal issues. By jointly exploring and seeking solutions to differences, these conversations can become a regular part of your communication. An important point: the non-believing partner is especially encouraged to lay aside their mental burdens and hesitations, and boldly speak about their understanding of sin and their struggles. This includes sharing each other’s differing views on certain issues and clarifying their circles of friends. The willingness to dispel “secrets” between one another is a vital step toward spiritual unity. The sins that are exposed should be discarded as stumbling blocks in the family, and the fleeting “pleasures in sin” are merely the opium of the devil. With mutual effort and sincere communication, you not only enhance understanding and respect but also increase the cohesion of the family. Marriage is not only a union of lifestyles; it is a union of families. In a household where Christ reigns, marriage serves firstly as a “cleanser” for the sins of both individuals and families, and secondly as a union of both souls.

• Face the Truth Within: Let Go of Self and Seek a Higher Realm

Whether you currently believe or not, try to set aside your preconceptions and see whether Jesus’ teachings can bring inner peace and family harmony. Many people, when they finally lay bare their “secrets,” experience not the pain they expected but an unprecedented lightness and joy. In doing so, you gain not only your partner’s trust and become a role model for your children, but also enjoy the happiness that comes with a unified family, as well as the courage and strength to face life and work. Over time, the inherited “sins” within your family will slowly transform into a driving force for family joy through the process of coming together. The transmission of a shared faith will provide your children with a strong foundation against the various unknown forces they face in life. Your family will serve as the vanguard for both families to break free from the bondage of sin, and your peace and happiness will serve as a guiding light for future generations.

Conclusion

Differences in faith can either be a stumbling block to family growth or a springboard for the shared spiritual maturation of all involved. We encourage every family whose members do not share the same faith, as well as every new family formed by brothers and sisters who have grown up, to put aside pride and preconceptions, open their hearts to one another, and walk together toward a more promising future.

In the eyes of the older generation, you are their children; in the eyes of the next generation, you are their original family; and for your siblings, you are a branch of the family. At every stage, only in Christ can each family truly achieve the goals of harmony and happiness, walking the path of abundant spirituality and love.

We all know that issues involving family faith touch on many topics—including cultural and social backgrounds, religious differences, child education, the relationship between faith and mental health, and respecting the diversity of beliefs. In the future, when conditions allow, these will be discussed further.

Let us pray together for this cause!